Feelin' Fine

(08/05/08)

Just three days til the craziness that is going to be the Olympics. Man, I hope China doesn't implode. I'm not really in support of protesting/boycotting the Olympics, but I kinda hope that China will take something positive away from all the criticism it's been getting and is likely to get during the events. Anyhow...

The last round finished up without too much fanfare - I definitely handled it better after that first day, but four days in the hospital is draining, even with going home at night. I'm getting a pretty good read on my own body's reaction to the chemo drugs though. The cycle is pretty consistent - after the chemo is done, I get about two days of minor nausea and just uncomfortableness. After that my skin gets kind of achy and sensitive all over for a couple days, and my tongue and mouth get minor sores (my tongue gets white and splotchy - it looks worse than it feels though). Then after about five days those things go away and I'm back to feeling relatively normal. Not too bad in the grand scheme I guess. After reading Lance Armstrong's book, I was expecting to be doubled over in the fetal position puking my guts out most of the time during treatment. I thought I would lose tons of weight and just feel super weak. Luckily none of that has really happened. Some days I even forget that anything is wrong. Not for the whole day, mind you, but I get these brief moments of time when my mind is occupied with something and I'm not constantly thinking about all this crappiness (heh, is that how you spell crappiness? happy -> crappy, so happiness -> crappiness?).

In any case, I've been feeling pretty good for the past week or so, both physically and mentally. My climbing has been going in this sawtooth pattern where it gets better and better then takes a dive after a cycle of chemo. Still, I've been able to go more frequently and climb for longer than when I first started during treatment, so I guess that's a good sign. Somehow, I've also been in a consistently good mood for the past week or so. Pre-last cycle I was in a consistently bad mood - maybe it was due to all the delays. I know what people say about a positive attitude, but sometimes you just can't help feeling crappy. I guess you just have to let yourself feel what you're going to feel and try to come out of it after a time. It certainly helps you appreciate the days when you feel good.

Still have seven more cycles to go. . . At this rate it'll take me through December - given that there will probably be more delays, I guess I'll likely turn 30 (on the 24th) before this is all over. Even so, I like to think that the chemo and radiation have already done their job in mopping up all the cancer cells, and any further treatment is just gravy. So pour some more gravy on me!